Two parents. One is watching their autistic Year 12 count down to graduation, wondering how they’ll cope next year.
The other is a year further down the road, watching a smart kid who survived high school struggle to book a haircut online. Same worry, different calendar.
School did a mountain of organising. You probably filled the gaps without noticing.
Take that away and every adult task becomes a puzzle with hidden steps: which salon, which time, what if they ask questions, what if it’s loud.
It isn’t laziness, and they haven’t lost their smarts. The scaffolding came down, and nobody mentioned it was holding up the building.
The international research is clear about what helps, although Australia has yet to study it.
The best results don’t come from more therapy; most of these young people have had years of being “fixed”.
The results come when the young person decides the goal, not the parent, the school or the NDIS plan. Their life, their call.
That starts with values. Then an honest look at strengths, and at where their own brain trips them up.
Once they can spot their saboteur, they can work with it: write the script first, book the same salon every time, set the reminder before the panic.
Year 12 parents, you can start this at home now, before the scaffolding comes down. A year on? It isn’t too late.
Swap “Why can’t you just…” for “What do you want your life to look like?”
Then work backwards to the next small step. If they keep stalling, that’s not failure, yours or theirs.
Goals often stick better coming from someone who isn’t also asking about the dishes.
The wheels haven’t fallen off. They’re waiting for someone to ask where they want to drive.
