THIS is the fourth part of a series where we have briefly touched on a very important, although seldom discussed subject – how far should we go to care for our ageing parents?
Much depends on your relationship with your parents. If you are still part of a close-knit family, the situation can be a little easier to manage. When families speak regularly and openly with one another, it becomes far simpler to discuss difficult topics such as ageing, health and future care.
But what about the other side of the family – the in-laws?
Sometimes the relationship with a partner’s parents can be very different from the one you share with your own.
Perhaps the husband is working long hours to support the family, and the responsibility of helping ageing parents may fall largely on the wife. Yet she may not feel the same connection to her in-laws as she does to her own parents. This is where things can become complicated and, at times, uncomfortable.
The husband may want to help his parents but cannot always find the time because of work commitments. The wife may feel unsure about what role she should play. These situations can easily create tension unless families talk openly and honestly about expectations.
Matters become even more difficult when both sets of parents are growing older at the same time, or when illness begins to appear. If there are only one or two children to share the responsibility, the pressure on families can quickly grow.
This is why serious conversations need to happen sooner rather than later.
In earlier columns I mentioned another important consideration – the timing of moving out of the family home.
Leaving it too late can make the process far more stressful.
One thing is clear – life does not always go according to plan. And when difficulties arise, who is often left to help care for our ageing parents? You are.
Over these past four columns I have simply tried to offer some advice, based on one central theme: start the conversation early. Talk openly with your parents. Talk with your partner.
Make sure everyone understands each other’s concerns and expectations.
There is no need to rush these conversations, but they should happen sooner rather than later.
Some people may not want to discuss the subject at first, but being prepared can make all the difference when the time eventually comes.
