VALENTINE’S Day often comes wrapped in expectations — romantic dinners, thoughtful gifts, perfectly worded cards.
But while flowers and chocolates may spark joy, communication experts say the most meaningful connection doesn’t come from grand gestures at all.
It comes from everyday conversations.
Nonprofit educational organisation Toastmasters is encouraging Australians to rethink what it really means to show appreciation in relationships — and to focus less on saying the “perfect” thing, and more on learning how to communicate clearly, calmly and consistently.
“A lot of people think communication is only about big, emotional conversations,” said Shubi Chatterjee, Toastmasters District 69 Club Growth Director. “But it actually starts with the small stuff — checking in, asking good questions, and really listening.”
For many people, those everyday conversations don’t always come easily. Awkward pauses, emotional reactions, or fear of saying the wrong thing can make communication feel uncomfortable — even with the people we care about most.
“The good news is that communication is a skill,” Chatterjee said. “If you’re someone who finds conversations awkward, that’s exactly the kind of thing you can practise and improve.”
Valentine’s Day, she adds, is a useful reminder that strong relationships aren’t built on single, show-stopping moments. They’re built through consistency — being present, listening without distraction, and feeling safe enough to share thoughts and worries as they arise.
To help people strengthen relationships with partners, friends and family, Toastmasters has identified several communication habits that can make a noticeable difference, not just on Valentine’s Day, but all year round.
One of the most common challenges in relationships is letting emotion take over the message. When conversations become heated, it’s easy to react rather than respond — and meaning can get lost along the way.
“Speaking clearly rather than emotionally can help prevent misunderstandings,” Chatterjee said. “Taking a moment to organise your thoughts and speak calmly can reduce conflict and help both people feel heard.”
Even when intentions are good, assumptions can derail conversations. Checking understanding — by asking a simple follow-up question or repeating what you’ve heard — can prevent small miscommunications from becoming larger issues.
Another common pitfall is avoiding difficult conversations altogether. While it may feel easier in the moment, unspoken concerns can quietly turn into frustration or resentment over time.
“Addressing issues early, and respectfully, makes a huge difference,” Chatterjee said. “It’s not about confrontation — it’s about confidence and openness.
“Most misunderstandings aren’t about a lack of care,” Chatterjee said. “They’re about unclear communication. When people slow down, speak calmly and check they’ve understood each other, relationships get stronger.”
Through a supportive environment, Toastmasters helps members practise speaking clearly, listening actively and responding confidently in real-life situations.
While many people initially join to improve public speaking or leadership skills, they often discover the benefits extend far beyond the meeting room.
“People are often surprised by how much their personal relationships improve,” Chatterjee said. “Better communication doesn’t just help at work — it changes how you connect with the people you care about.”
In some cases, those improved skills even lead to lifelong partnerships.
“Toastmasters was built to help people overcome communication anxiety and, better yet, master it,” Chatterjee said. “It offers a safe community space to practise vital skills like impromptu speaking, listening, eye contact and structure — skills that matter just as much at home as they do on stage.”
